party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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