You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
