glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize