i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
