I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
