I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
