Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
