but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
