i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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