is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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