Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
