I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Even my vagina gasped.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
