Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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