Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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