If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it's like heaven, but drunker
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't put those talents on a resume
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
