sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
