So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
