yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
