Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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