She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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