this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
