I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
