How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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