you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
