I think scott just propositioned me for sex
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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