??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
