That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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