You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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