R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
