Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
