i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
