You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
