i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
