That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
