I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
