The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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