I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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