He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Randomize
