i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
