consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
