think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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