he wants to bone in the snuggie
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is Oprah even human
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
