i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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