I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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