VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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