My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
