I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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