did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
