then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
