i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
