I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
