i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
